Random Thoughts on a Thursday Morning
I was all set to write a scathing column on the NBA after this CP3 debacle. It isn't that I wanted the Lakers to execute the trade on the table, it was that the NBA had no right to squash that trade. And for CP3 to go to the team whose owner happens to lead the NBA in slum lord and discrimination suits only adds to the ridiculousness of the whole situation. But instead, we're going with random thoughts because my sister, Lauren, asked for them. She's had a tough week so we'll indulge her. Here we go into the landfills that exist in my head.
First and foremost, we need to creat a new circle of hell. I've read Dante's Inferno, in English and Italian actually, and nowhere in it is there a special circle of hell for people who drive 65 mpg in the fast lane on the freeway. These people need to be shot on sight, I feel that strongly about it. I was stuck on the freeway behind cars in the left two lanes drag racing at about 63 mph. Nothing deterred them. To the 10th circle of hell they go.
Angels fans may no longer say a bad thing about the Yankees and the Red Sox. The Angels are the Evil Empire of the west coast. So now that they have a marketable team, can we please stop pretending they play in Los Angeles?
The day the Angels signed Pujols, there was a rumor involving the Dodgers and Dana Eveland. Goody goody gumdrops.
Is it just me or will all Lakers fans forget about the debacle that was the Odom/Bynum/Gasol trade wind talks if the Lakers sign Dwight Howard? I know I'll forget about it. Bring on Superman, let Kobe go out to pasture in a couple of years and then sign Marquee PG _________ (John Wall maybe? One can only hope).
I love how everybody is so quick to demonize Reeves Nelson without once asking why so many players either transfer or quit under Ben Howland. You know what team's better than UCLA? The one you could comprise of those players who have been kicked off or left.
Jim Mora Jr. was a great signing, now we just need to fire Dan Guerrero.
The Ryan Braun news has saddened Jews everywhere.
The Knicks would be awesome if you didn't need guards or passing to play basketball.
Okay, if you're not a Tebow believer yet, there's something wrong with you. I can't remember the anticipation and excitement like that surrounding a Denver drive in the last 5 minutes for the past several weeks. All announcers can do is chuckle at this point. As for me, I just get excited when Tebow starts doing Tebow things. You know, like running around, stiff arming linebackers and then throwing to a receiver while he's falling down. That sort of thing.
I wonder if Kobe is going to bitch slap Jim Buss at some point.
John Elway is like the owner in The Natural, not the one in Any Given Sunday. Get it right. The judges will also accept: The owner from Major League.
Which will produce a higher score, UNC vs. Duke in basketball or the NFC Championship between Green Bay and New Orleans?
Can Barbara Walters really have a list of most interesting people without a single interesting person on the list? I'm confused. So is Kim Kardashian, but she's always confused.
Who is more emasculated at this point, Kris Humphries or Hulk Hogan?
Barcelona proved once again in the Clasico that it is far and away the best soccer team in the world. They are too fun to watch although losing David Villa to a broken leg is bad for everybody involved.
I miss Rick Perry and Herman Cain. They're way better for late night than Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney.
How do you come up with the name Mitt?
Is his middle name Oven? Catcher's? Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night. Wait, I just realized his first name is Mitt and that this now makes no sense. Damn it.
Sam Hurd apparently watched American Gangster as a How To film. On the bright side, we now know who the Cincinnati Bengals were hanging out with during the off-season.
I'm glad to have the Tiger Fist Pump back in my life. It's much better than the Elin Golf Club Swing.
How many women has Derek Jeter not slept with? It has to be easier than counting the other way around.
Is Albert Pujols' wife really trying to make us feel bad that her husband was offered a 5-year contract worth 9-figures plus as a starting offer? Wrong economy for that sympathy card.
The NFL is trying to rival the NBA for most transparent group of owners and administrators. How is James Harrison suspended within a few days for a boom boom hit, yet the Browns put Colt McCoy back into the game thinking he's Batman after two plays and everybody's waiting until this is forgotten about so the Browns don't have to be punished? Safety first, unless it's a team that's being punished as opposed to the players. Got it.
On the bright side, I now have more faith in the L.A. Clippers management than I do in Congress. Ponder that one for a moment. Scary.
Tebow for President. G-d bless.
WEEK 15 PICKS
Atlanta -13.5 vs. Jacksonville
Dallas -7 at Tampa Bay
Green Bay -13.5 at Kansas City
Seattle +3.5 at Chicago
Cincinnati -6.5 at St. Louis
Tennessee -6.5 at Indianapolis
Miami -1.5 at Buffalo
Houston -6 vs. Carolina
Washington +7 at New York Giants
New Orleans -6.5 at Minnesota
Oakland even vs. Detroit
Arizona -6.5 vs. Cleveland
New Jork Jets +3 at Philadelphia
Denver +7 vs. New England . . . TEBOW!!!
Baltimore -1.5 at San Diego
Pittsburgh +2.5 at San Francisco
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 99-100-9
First and foremost, we need to creat a new circle of hell. I've read Dante's Inferno, in English and Italian actually, and nowhere in it is there a special circle of hell for people who drive 65 mpg in the fast lane on the freeway. These people need to be shot on sight, I feel that strongly about it. I was stuck on the freeway behind cars in the left two lanes drag racing at about 63 mph. Nothing deterred them. To the 10th circle of hell they go.
Angels fans may no longer say a bad thing about the Yankees and the Red Sox. The Angels are the Evil Empire of the west coast. So now that they have a marketable team, can we please stop pretending they play in Los Angeles?
The day the Angels signed Pujols, there was a rumor involving the Dodgers and Dana Eveland. Goody goody gumdrops.
Is it just me or will all Lakers fans forget about the debacle that was the Odom/Bynum/Gasol trade wind talks if the Lakers sign Dwight Howard? I know I'll forget about it. Bring on Superman, let Kobe go out to pasture in a couple of years and then sign Marquee PG _________ (John Wall maybe? One can only hope).
I love how everybody is so quick to demonize Reeves Nelson without once asking why so many players either transfer or quit under Ben Howland. You know what team's better than UCLA? The one you could comprise of those players who have been kicked off or left.
Jim Mora Jr. was a great signing, now we just need to fire Dan Guerrero.
The Ryan Braun news has saddened Jews everywhere.
The Knicks would be awesome if you didn't need guards or passing to play basketball.
Okay, if you're not a Tebow believer yet, there's something wrong with you. I can't remember the anticipation and excitement like that surrounding a Denver drive in the last 5 minutes for the past several weeks. All announcers can do is chuckle at this point. As for me, I just get excited when Tebow starts doing Tebow things. You know, like running around, stiff arming linebackers and then throwing to a receiver while he's falling down. That sort of thing.
I wonder if Kobe is going to bitch slap Jim Buss at some point.
John Elway is like the owner in The Natural, not the one in Any Given Sunday. Get it right. The judges will also accept: The owner from Major League.
Which will produce a higher score, UNC vs. Duke in basketball or the NFC Championship between Green Bay and New Orleans?
Can Barbara Walters really have a list of most interesting people without a single interesting person on the list? I'm confused. So is Kim Kardashian, but she's always confused.
Who is more emasculated at this point, Kris Humphries or Hulk Hogan?
Barcelona proved once again in the Clasico that it is far and away the best soccer team in the world. They are too fun to watch although losing David Villa to a broken leg is bad for everybody involved.
I miss Rick Perry and Herman Cain. They're way better for late night than Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney.
How do you come up with the name Mitt?
Is his middle name Oven? Catcher's? Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night. Wait, I just realized his first name is Mitt and that this now makes no sense. Damn it.
Sam Hurd apparently watched American Gangster as a How To film. On the bright side, we now know who the Cincinnati Bengals were hanging out with during the off-season.
I'm glad to have the Tiger Fist Pump back in my life. It's much better than the Elin Golf Club Swing.
How many women has Derek Jeter not slept with? It has to be easier than counting the other way around.
Is Albert Pujols' wife really trying to make us feel bad that her husband was offered a 5-year contract worth 9-figures plus as a starting offer? Wrong economy for that sympathy card.
The NFL is trying to rival the NBA for most transparent group of owners and administrators. How is James Harrison suspended within a few days for a boom boom hit, yet the Browns put Colt McCoy back into the game thinking he's Batman after two plays and everybody's waiting until this is forgotten about so the Browns don't have to be punished? Safety first, unless it's a team that's being punished as opposed to the players. Got it.
On the bright side, I now have more faith in the L.A. Clippers management than I do in Congress. Ponder that one for a moment. Scary.
Tebow for President. G-d bless.
WEEK 15 PICKS
Atlanta -13.5 vs. Jacksonville
Dallas -7 at Tampa Bay
Green Bay -13.5 at Kansas City
Seattle +3.5 at Chicago
Cincinnati -6.5 at St. Louis
Tennessee -6.5 at Indianapolis
Miami -1.5 at Buffalo
Houston -6 vs. Carolina
Washington +7 at New York Giants
New Orleans -6.5 at Minnesota
Oakland even vs. Detroit
Arizona -6.5 vs. Cleveland
New Jork Jets +3 at Philadelphia
Denver +7 vs. New England . . . TEBOW!!!
Baltimore -1.5 at San Diego
Pittsburgh +2.5 at San Francisco
Last Week: 8-8
Season: 99-100-9
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