Random Thoughts - High Holiday Edition
I don't deserve to publish a Power Rankings after last week's awful performance with my picks. I'm imposing a one week suspension on myself. So instead of the RW Power Rankings, we'll go with some random thoughts. The picks for this week are at the bottom.
I'll be going with the Karma Parlay this week: Detroit and Denver. There is no way the football gods can reward Pete Carroll on the week Reggie Bush returns the Heisman and Michael Vick after torturing and killing dogs. No, karma will be in full force against them. The force will be so mighty that not even Detroit's weekly stink fest can get in the way. Plus, I really can't tolerate seeing Pete Carroll's smug smile.
Floyd Mayweather apparently wants to fight. Unfortunately for him, his latest skirmish may land him in jail. Not good news for those of us pining for a Pac Man/Pretty Boy Floyd super fight.
UCLA Football is torture. The only thing worse than being a UCLA fan during football season would be. Sorry, I couldn't finish that sentence.
Who chose Chelsea Handler to run the VMA's? Probably the same person who looks for a lead actor in a movie and says, "you know who would be great . . . Paul Walker!"
Wait, I figured out what would be worse, being Ryan Reynolds in that movie coming out. He's trapped in a coffin underground and then possibly burns alive because he sets it on fire. I think the person who came up with that movie idea scoured my brain for my worst possible nightmare.
Oh, I figured out something worse than having to watch UCLA Football, having to be a Dodgers fan. At least Joe Torre got out while he could. The rest of us? Just praying they sell the team. Mark Cuban! Save us! Please!
If you don't watch the show: The Leauge, start watching. Chad Ochocinco was on the season premiere. Where else can you get quotes like: "I'm like a bed without sheets. You can't cover me."
To all of you who laughed when I said Kevin Durant would be the best player in the world a few years ago while he was at Texas, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You can read that as an evil laugh if you'd like. Durant is a freak of nature. Plus he's not LeBron.
Who's excited for Angelina's getting voted off the Jersey Shore island? I know I am.
Can we discuss how much better the Los Angeles Sportscenter guys are than the national crew? Seriously, can we?
I'm taking the Raiders this week. I feel gross at the thought of risking a pick on them, but the Rams with a rookie QB in a tough atmosphere? I can't take that. They're the Rams.
Speaking of bad teams, we'll be going against the Bills all season. They're terrible.
Tiger Woods has some downtime between now and the Ryder Cup. Over/under on 3 weeks before the tabloids catch up with a cocktail waitress or thirty.
Poor Bob Sanders. And poor us, because he's one of the most exciting defensive players of his era to watch.
That Federer/Djokovich match was great. I already knew who was going to win when watching the replay and I was still nervous for Novak when he was seriving down in 5-4 in the fifth set and 15-40 while serving. And then he played Nadal. Game, set, match. Pun intended.
I had this little annoying kid sitting behind me at temple during Rosh Hashanah. Never shut up and his annoying parents didn't say a word to him. His name was probably Trycen or something. Anyway, he did have one funny comment. During an ominous hymn, he said, "whoa, it sounds like the Undertaker's music." As I write this, a commercial for a WWE event just came on, prompting my little sister to say, "the Undertaker still wrestles?" Thank you Undertaker.
We need a cool NFL player name. I don't know if we're ever going to top Dre Bly, but we need to at least make an effort. I was going to say we need to try, but that's too much rhyming and I don't want to take the focus off of how cool the name Dre Bly is.
I wish I were a political pundit. These crazies winning Republican primaries are providing endless material. Even Karl Rove described O'Donnell's positions as "nutty." But then he got zapped by the right wing machine and endorsed her two days later.
The NFL Players Union really is a waste. Football makes by far the most money of any sport and is the most dangerous, yet the players have zero power. They're prematurely caving by saying that they'll de-certify the union so they can play absent a collective bargaining agreement, which basically means the owners can do whatever they want.
Nyjer Morgan needs Ron Artest's psychiatrist. I know it's late, but as Ron Ron himself would say on the matter, better late than never. That was a great clothesline laid on him by Gaby Sanchez though. Maybe that woke him up.
Lionel Messi is too good. Barcelona was already unstoppable and now they added David Villa up top along side him. They're more boss than Rick Ross.
Is Dallas' offensive lineman who committed about 100 penalty yards on his own and then lost the game on the last play still on the team?
Eli Manning is the most overrated QB in football. He really is. Wait, I'm getting a call.
Hello? Yes, Jay. Ok. No, you're right. I'm terribly sorry. Uh huh. Ok. Bye.
Correction, Jay Cutler is the most overrated QB in football.
Phillip Rivers is the easiest QB to root against. I hope for his sake that there isn't a Steve Buscemi from Billy Madison disciple that went to his high school putting lipstick on as we speak. Rivers better call that kid and apologize. Actually, he should apologize to every human being he's ever come into contact with. That would be better.
I may have been a little bit wrong about the Cardinals. At least I'll have one World Series team right with the Yankees. That was too easy though.
Best part about college football: Erin Andrews.
I think Chauncey Billups just pulled up for a jumper on the way to the supermarket. He couldn't pass up the shot.
The gambling gods' gift to you: Seneca Wallace.
And with that, we're on to the picks:
WEEK 2 PICKS
Atlanta -6.5 vs. Arizona
Miami +5.5 at Minnesota
Green Bay -13 vs. Buffalo
Baltimore -3 at Cincinnati (careful, this line is moving a lot, best to stay away)
Tennessee -5.5 vs. Pittsburgh
Detroit +6.5 vs. Philadelphia
Chicago +7 at Dallas
Tampa Bay +3 at Carolina
Kansas City +3 at Cleveland
Oakland -3.5 vs. St. Louis (see above)
Denver -3.5 vs. Seattle
Washington +3 vs. Houston
Jacksonville +7 at San Diego
New England -3 at New York Jets
Indianapolis -5 vs. New York Giants
San Francisco +6 vs. New Orleans
Last Week: 4-9-3
Season: 4-9-3
I'll be going with the Karma Parlay this week: Detroit and Denver. There is no way the football gods can reward Pete Carroll on the week Reggie Bush returns the Heisman and Michael Vick after torturing and killing dogs. No, karma will be in full force against them. The force will be so mighty that not even Detroit's weekly stink fest can get in the way. Plus, I really can't tolerate seeing Pete Carroll's smug smile.
Floyd Mayweather apparently wants to fight. Unfortunately for him, his latest skirmish may land him in jail. Not good news for those of us pining for a Pac Man/Pretty Boy Floyd super fight.
UCLA Football is torture. The only thing worse than being a UCLA fan during football season would be. Sorry, I couldn't finish that sentence.
Who chose Chelsea Handler to run the VMA's? Probably the same person who looks for a lead actor in a movie and says, "you know who would be great . . . Paul Walker!"
Wait, I figured out what would be worse, being Ryan Reynolds in that movie coming out. He's trapped in a coffin underground and then possibly burns alive because he sets it on fire. I think the person who came up with that movie idea scoured my brain for my worst possible nightmare.
Oh, I figured out something worse than having to watch UCLA Football, having to be a Dodgers fan. At least Joe Torre got out while he could. The rest of us? Just praying they sell the team. Mark Cuban! Save us! Please!
If you don't watch the show: The Leauge, start watching. Chad Ochocinco was on the season premiere. Where else can you get quotes like: "I'm like a bed without sheets. You can't cover me."
To all of you who laughed when I said Kevin Durant would be the best player in the world a few years ago while he was at Texas, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You can read that as an evil laugh if you'd like. Durant is a freak of nature. Plus he's not LeBron.
Who's excited for Angelina's getting voted off the Jersey Shore island? I know I am.
Can we discuss how much better the Los Angeles Sportscenter guys are than the national crew? Seriously, can we?
I'm taking the Raiders this week. I feel gross at the thought of risking a pick on them, but the Rams with a rookie QB in a tough atmosphere? I can't take that. They're the Rams.
Speaking of bad teams, we'll be going against the Bills all season. They're terrible.
Tiger Woods has some downtime between now and the Ryder Cup. Over/under on 3 weeks before the tabloids catch up with a cocktail waitress or thirty.
Poor Bob Sanders. And poor us, because he's one of the most exciting defensive players of his era to watch.
That Federer/Djokovich match was great. I already knew who was going to win when watching the replay and I was still nervous for Novak when he was seriving down in 5-4 in the fifth set and 15-40 while serving. And then he played Nadal. Game, set, match. Pun intended.
I had this little annoying kid sitting behind me at temple during Rosh Hashanah. Never shut up and his annoying parents didn't say a word to him. His name was probably Trycen or something. Anyway, he did have one funny comment. During an ominous hymn, he said, "whoa, it sounds like the Undertaker's music." As I write this, a commercial for a WWE event just came on, prompting my little sister to say, "the Undertaker still wrestles?" Thank you Undertaker.
We need a cool NFL player name. I don't know if we're ever going to top Dre Bly, but we need to at least make an effort. I was going to say we need to try, but that's too much rhyming and I don't want to take the focus off of how cool the name Dre Bly is.
I wish I were a political pundit. These crazies winning Republican primaries are providing endless material. Even Karl Rove described O'Donnell's positions as "nutty." But then he got zapped by the right wing machine and endorsed her two days later.
The NFL Players Union really is a waste. Football makes by far the most money of any sport and is the most dangerous, yet the players have zero power. They're prematurely caving by saying that they'll de-certify the union so they can play absent a collective bargaining agreement, which basically means the owners can do whatever they want.
Nyjer Morgan needs Ron Artest's psychiatrist. I know it's late, but as Ron Ron himself would say on the matter, better late than never. That was a great clothesline laid on him by Gaby Sanchez though. Maybe that woke him up.
Lionel Messi is too good. Barcelona was already unstoppable and now they added David Villa up top along side him. They're more boss than Rick Ross.
Is Dallas' offensive lineman who committed about 100 penalty yards on his own and then lost the game on the last play still on the team?
Eli Manning is the most overrated QB in football. He really is. Wait, I'm getting a call.
Hello? Yes, Jay. Ok. No, you're right. I'm terribly sorry. Uh huh. Ok. Bye.
Correction, Jay Cutler is the most overrated QB in football.
Phillip Rivers is the easiest QB to root against. I hope for his sake that there isn't a Steve Buscemi from Billy Madison disciple that went to his high school putting lipstick on as we speak. Rivers better call that kid and apologize. Actually, he should apologize to every human being he's ever come into contact with. That would be better.
I may have been a little bit wrong about the Cardinals. At least I'll have one World Series team right with the Yankees. That was too easy though.
Best part about college football: Erin Andrews.
I think Chauncey Billups just pulled up for a jumper on the way to the supermarket. He couldn't pass up the shot.
The gambling gods' gift to you: Seneca Wallace.
And with that, we're on to the picks:
WEEK 2 PICKS
Atlanta -6.5 vs. Arizona
Miami +5.5 at Minnesota
Green Bay -13 vs. Buffalo
Baltimore -3 at Cincinnati (careful, this line is moving a lot, best to stay away)
Tennessee -5.5 vs. Pittsburgh
Detroit +6.5 vs. Philadelphia
Chicago +7 at Dallas
Tampa Bay +3 at Carolina
Kansas City +3 at Cleveland
Oakland -3.5 vs. St. Louis (see above)
Denver -3.5 vs. Seattle
Washington +3 vs. Houston
Jacksonville +7 at San Diego
New England -3 at New York Jets
Indianapolis -5 vs. New York Giants
San Francisco +6 vs. New Orleans
Last Week: 4-9-3
Season: 4-9-3
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