Tigerpalooza 2010
I’ve had about a week to digest Tigerpalooza 2010. I’ve watched the coverage, talked to a bunch of people I trust and now I’m all ready to tell you how I feel about it.
I think it’s best to start with why Tiger called a press conference. If it’s not clear to you, it should be. He owed it to nobody. The only people to whom he owed an explanation were members of his family and maybe any friends whom he lied to. Other than that he owed nothing. To steal a line from Chris Rock, I didn’t go to the mailbox looking for my Tiger Woods payment or prize.
No, Tiger didn’t do this because he owed anybody. Secondly, he didn’t do this to win back his fans. Over time, Tiger has been reclusive and focused on nothing but golf. He really never developed a relationship with his fans outside of letting us appreciate his amazing golfing ability. Anybody who has watched him on the course live has seen that he has zero reaction to the masses as they cheer him on. So no, he is not overly concerned about our appreciation.
Tiger is, however, concerned about us as consumers, or at least his handlers are concerned. Tiger stepped in front of the podium because his PR people (who completely botched this three months unlike anything I’ve seen), and more importantly his sponsors who still remain (Gatorade being the latest to jump ship), want Tiger to finally get out in front of the public and give his side of the story. They want Tiger to seem human again so that when they finally reintroduce him to the public via their ads we don’t just look at them and either laugh or give a look of disgust. Tiger HAD to do this faux press conference because if he wants to have ad campaigns again then this was going to be the first step. Maybe not toward restoring his public image to what it once was but to having a public image at all.
Next, this was not a press conference. Tiger’s audience was made up of his mother, who couldn’t even watch her son, Tiger’s friends, and a couple of hand picked media friendlies who weren’t allowed to ask a single question. Again, if you watched the spectacle you had to understand this move. After watching the robotic Tiger try and deliver his script to the camera, could you imagine what would have happened if he had to ad-lib anything? Apparently his handlers tried this, saw what would have happened, and made the executive decision that Tiger would not be allowed to go off script. Again, after watching him on the podium talking about something other than golf, I have to agree with the move.
The long and short of it is that you can’t hide from everyone for three months and then go straight into commercials. The Tiger media campaign has begun. If you really believed the “emotion” and “heartfelt apology” then I have some beanstalk beans and Toyota stock I’d like to sell you. Tiger’s not a sex addict. He’s a guy. Guys are genetically prone to procreation. Some of us show some restraint. Not all of us have to show it hourly. You know how some girls forgive their boyfriends for only cheating once? Well just know that your boyfriend cheated once out of his four opportunities. Tiger is probably batting that same .750. The only people who should feel sorry for Tiger are other married men who cheat on their wives. One of their own got caught. I just don’t see how I’m supposed to feel sorry for a guy who’s a billionaire, the best athlete of his time, and apparently can have any woman he wants but decided to get married too early and still sleep with every half decent looking girl in the bar. Sleeping with every half decent looking girl in the bar is not being a sex addict. It’s called not discriminating. We all have friends who suffer from that affliction. We don’t call these friends sex addicts.
The reason it’s such a bad thing in Tiger’s place is that he’s married and has kids and it therefore becomes an awful betrayal with true victims. If Tiger got all of this out of his system and decided to settle down in his late 30’s/early 40’s like he should have, none of this would have happened. A quick aside, none of this would have happened if he had paid these girls off with tons of hush money like so many other famous athletes before him. You think girls, professional and otherwise, flock to All-Star weekends to watch the games? No, there’s a clear precedent here and Tiger ignored it all because he figured his transcendent existence in the sports world could be parlayed into invincibility. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. Even John Gotti got jumped in prison.
So Tiger is a walking punch line. Now what? And that’s the question that makes Tigerpalooza 2010 morph into one of the greatest questions of my sports lifetime. We all expected Michael Jordan to be great when he came back from baseball. The steroids scandal surprised exactly zero people. Michael Vick was a crazy story but he was nowhere near the best player at his position let alone sport. O.J. doesn’t count because he was several years removed from being “The Juice.” But Tiger? Nobody can really know how this is going to play out. If he goes back to being the best in the game then all of this sideshow stuff will be an afterthought and in turn, Tiger’s personal joke and vengeance on the Western world. But what if Tiger bogeys his first hole on his return? How will he handle a lipped out five footer with the entire world’s viewership scrutinizing his every waking moment? Yes, Tiger was famous before, but random people could not have cared less about how he played at Bay Hill. Now? I’ll bet my Mom and sisters are either tuned in or asking about Tiger’s play. Not his sex life, but his play. Non-golf fans will care about how well Tiger plays golf. Tiger’s performance (golf performance) will be a lead story on CNN and MSNBC. What if he cards a 73? Tiger’s comeback from his own personal sexathon will be the most cared about sports story that I can remember, and that’s saying something, because I remember a lot of sports stories.
Personally, I won’t care one way or another as to how it turns out. I stopped turning athletes into my role models a long time ago. But I will be watching. I think my favorite wrinkle of the Tiger saga was the Dalai Lama’s reaction when told that Tiger was turning to his Buddhist beliefs. To paraphrase what the Dalai Lama said, he thought it was nice that Tiger Woods was turning to Buddhism. One thing though, who’s Tiger Woods? A lot of us wish we didn’t care either. But we do.
I think it’s best to start with why Tiger called a press conference. If it’s not clear to you, it should be. He owed it to nobody. The only people to whom he owed an explanation were members of his family and maybe any friends whom he lied to. Other than that he owed nothing. To steal a line from Chris Rock, I didn’t go to the mailbox looking for my Tiger Woods payment or prize.
No, Tiger didn’t do this because he owed anybody. Secondly, he didn’t do this to win back his fans. Over time, Tiger has been reclusive and focused on nothing but golf. He really never developed a relationship with his fans outside of letting us appreciate his amazing golfing ability. Anybody who has watched him on the course live has seen that he has zero reaction to the masses as they cheer him on. So no, he is not overly concerned about our appreciation.
Tiger is, however, concerned about us as consumers, or at least his handlers are concerned. Tiger stepped in front of the podium because his PR people (who completely botched this three months unlike anything I’ve seen), and more importantly his sponsors who still remain (Gatorade being the latest to jump ship), want Tiger to finally get out in front of the public and give his side of the story. They want Tiger to seem human again so that when they finally reintroduce him to the public via their ads we don’t just look at them and either laugh or give a look of disgust. Tiger HAD to do this faux press conference because if he wants to have ad campaigns again then this was going to be the first step. Maybe not toward restoring his public image to what it once was but to having a public image at all.
Next, this was not a press conference. Tiger’s audience was made up of his mother, who couldn’t even watch her son, Tiger’s friends, and a couple of hand picked media friendlies who weren’t allowed to ask a single question. Again, if you watched the spectacle you had to understand this move. After watching the robotic Tiger try and deliver his script to the camera, could you imagine what would have happened if he had to ad-lib anything? Apparently his handlers tried this, saw what would have happened, and made the executive decision that Tiger would not be allowed to go off script. Again, after watching him on the podium talking about something other than golf, I have to agree with the move.
The long and short of it is that you can’t hide from everyone for three months and then go straight into commercials. The Tiger media campaign has begun. If you really believed the “emotion” and “heartfelt apology” then I have some beanstalk beans and Toyota stock I’d like to sell you. Tiger’s not a sex addict. He’s a guy. Guys are genetically prone to procreation. Some of us show some restraint. Not all of us have to show it hourly. You know how some girls forgive their boyfriends for only cheating once? Well just know that your boyfriend cheated once out of his four opportunities. Tiger is probably batting that same .750. The only people who should feel sorry for Tiger are other married men who cheat on their wives. One of their own got caught. I just don’t see how I’m supposed to feel sorry for a guy who’s a billionaire, the best athlete of his time, and apparently can have any woman he wants but decided to get married too early and still sleep with every half decent looking girl in the bar. Sleeping with every half decent looking girl in the bar is not being a sex addict. It’s called not discriminating. We all have friends who suffer from that affliction. We don’t call these friends sex addicts.
The reason it’s such a bad thing in Tiger’s place is that he’s married and has kids and it therefore becomes an awful betrayal with true victims. If Tiger got all of this out of his system and decided to settle down in his late 30’s/early 40’s like he should have, none of this would have happened. A quick aside, none of this would have happened if he had paid these girls off with tons of hush money like so many other famous athletes before him. You think girls, professional and otherwise, flock to All-Star weekends to watch the games? No, there’s a clear precedent here and Tiger ignored it all because he figured his transcendent existence in the sports world could be parlayed into invincibility. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. Even John Gotti got jumped in prison.
So Tiger is a walking punch line. Now what? And that’s the question that makes Tigerpalooza 2010 morph into one of the greatest questions of my sports lifetime. We all expected Michael Jordan to be great when he came back from baseball. The steroids scandal surprised exactly zero people. Michael Vick was a crazy story but he was nowhere near the best player at his position let alone sport. O.J. doesn’t count because he was several years removed from being “The Juice.” But Tiger? Nobody can really know how this is going to play out. If he goes back to being the best in the game then all of this sideshow stuff will be an afterthought and in turn, Tiger’s personal joke and vengeance on the Western world. But what if Tiger bogeys his first hole on his return? How will he handle a lipped out five footer with the entire world’s viewership scrutinizing his every waking moment? Yes, Tiger was famous before, but random people could not have cared less about how he played at Bay Hill. Now? I’ll bet my Mom and sisters are either tuned in or asking about Tiger’s play. Not his sex life, but his play. Non-golf fans will care about how well Tiger plays golf. Tiger’s performance (golf performance) will be a lead story on CNN and MSNBC. What if he cards a 73? Tiger’s comeback from his own personal sexathon will be the most cared about sports story that I can remember, and that’s saying something, because I remember a lot of sports stories.
Personally, I won’t care one way or another as to how it turns out. I stopped turning athletes into my role models a long time ago. But I will be watching. I think my favorite wrinkle of the Tiger saga was the Dalai Lama’s reaction when told that Tiger was turning to his Buddhist beliefs. To paraphrase what the Dalai Lama said, he thought it was nice that Tiger Woods was turning to Buddhism. One thing though, who’s Tiger Woods? A lot of us wish we didn’t care either. But we do.
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