NFL Power Rankings - Week 16
Note: Sorry for the lack of columns the last couple of weeks. We'll be back on track next week.
I thought last week brought about a shake-up at the top. Wait until you see this week! The only other news is that the Chiefs once again have lost their name. On to the Rankings.
32. Detroit Lions (0-14)
They had me believing again for a minute. That would have been unreal if they had won in Indy as 17-point dogs. But alas, they didn't. Now people think that just because of history that the Lions will win this week. Nobody wants to believe that a team can go 0-16. That's the same logic as someone guaranteeing that heads comes up just because the last 10 coin flips were tails. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. This team's not winning unless they get to play the Rams.
31. St. Louis Rams (2-12)
The Rams are like the anti-Colts. Vegas is giving them an extra 3 points every week. You know what? It doesn't matter what Vegas does! It's like trying to Tiger-proof Augusta. Operation Bet Against The Rams will not be stopped.
30. Kansas City Chefs (2-12)
Yet again they've managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The difference this time is that I had their money line parlayed to four other winning bets. That means that they're now again the Chefs. Really, how do you blow that game? I hate them. The Chefs play to lose the game and that's the end of that.
29. Oakland Raiders (3-11)
So much for being frisky. I guess scoring a late TD to cut the lead to three touchdowns warrants a leap into the crowd. At least Darren McFadden thinks so. That's a sign that things are going downhill or went downhill and are trying to find another hill to go down.
28. Cleveland Browns (4-10)
I think I now know why Ken Dorsey was the third string QB on a really bad team. He can't throw the ball. That might be a problem, especially in cold weather and when your team's defense can't get off the field. It's too easy with this team.
27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-11-1)
Someone needs to tell the Bengals that they stink because they play like they're vying for the playoffs. Ryan Fitzpatrick and Marvin Lewis are like Shane Falco and Jimmy McGinty in The Replacements. They know they're not going to be around next season so they have nothing to lose. That makes them "very dangerous people" in Coach McGinty's words.
26. Seattle Seahawks (3-11)
The Seahawks finally figured out that it's not a good idea to throw a QB out there who can't run due to a herniated disc when you have no offensive line. With Seneca Wallace in there the Seahawks are at least frisky because he can run out of trouble. You know it's a bad season when Seneca Wallace's ability to run out of trouble is a bright spot.
25. Buffalo Bills (6-8)
I wish J.P. Losman was playing the whole season because #25 would be about 6 spots too high for this team. A quick rule of thumb for Dick Jauron: Do NOT put the game in J.P. Losman's hands. You will lose, in embarrassing fashion.
24. Green Bay Packers (5-9)
Congratulations, I've quit you. You're in the doghouse Green Bay. You couldn't even stop a Jaguars offense that had given up a month ago. I don't care how many points you beat Chicago by a few weeks ago. I'm picking against you this week and I might even go with the Lions next week. Ahhh, that feels much better. The Packers are finally out of my life.
23. San Diego Chargers (6-8)
The Chargers didn't deserve to move up in the Rankings after last week. It's just that the other teams deserved so much to move down. I'm predicting bad things for them this weekend.
22. San Francisco 49ers (5-9)
I really hope they keep winning because I sure could go for a full season of Mike Singletary. He was born to star in those Coors Light commercials. I may even subscribe to Showtime just to hear him on the sidelines during Inside the NFL next season.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-9)
Next time you're going to decide to try in a meaningless game out of nowhere, could you please let me know. Thanks Jags. I'm going against you again this week just to make sure that wasn't a fluke. Actually, maybe the Packers are just that bad that they couldn't beat a dying team. Yeah, that's probably it.
20. Washington Redskins (7-7)
How do you lose to the Bengals? They couldn't even pull a Donovan and tie! This team is done. They're Fredo and they just got onto the fishing boat. You know how this one ends.
19. New Orleans Saints (7-7)
Your season comes down to one stop in the 4th quarter in freezing weather and you let the mighty Kyle Orton and the Chicago Bears march down the field and score. This is why the MVP shouldn't be predicated on team performance. Is it Drew Brees' fault that his defense is deplorable?
18. Chicago Bears (8-6)
As poor as their play has been, the Bears are still in the hunt for a division title being only one game back. Matt Forte has been a serious find. Now if the defense can re-emerge, they might be able to finish this bad boy off.
17. Houston Texans (7-7)
Maybe I wrote them off too early. They may be one of the top-5 teams that you don't want to face right now. Andre Johnson is good for about 200 yards per game and the defense is swarming all over the field. I'm going to ride them the rest of the way.
16. Arizona Cardinals (8-6)
I don't care if they had nothing to play for. It was Tarvaris Jackson. Tarvaris Jackson! And it was at home. There's just no excuse. This is not a good sign for the Cardinals as they prepare for trying for playoff win #2 in their franchise's history.
15. Miami Dolphins (9-5)
The Dolphins just find a way to get things done. They get big sacks out of Jerry Porter. They have receivers that I've never heard of coming up with big plays. And Jason Taylor might actually wish he was here instead of in Washington. Who could have predicted that?
14. New York Jets (9-5)
A loss to the Raiders. A loss to the 49ers. Almost losing to the Chefs and Bills at home. The Jets are walking a tightrope this season and don't have room for error. I'm predicting that their luck will finally end this week.
13. Minnesota Vikings (9-5)
Losing Pat Williams is not what the Vikings needed. The only positive if they lose this week, and they will, is that they'll finally have the excuse to eliminate Tarvaris from the picture. Adrian Peterson can only do so much. Jared Allen's mullet is amazing though.
12. Denver Broncos (8-6)
I should have seen that one coming. A road game against a great team and the Broncos didn't really think they needed the win because they come home to Buffalo this week and the Chargers go to Tampa Bay. I didn't do my homework. If the Broncos wind up needing this one, it won't be a problem. But they won't need it and they'll probably start resting guys come the second half.
11. New England Patriots (9-5)
That was a great thing to see Matt Cassel have a day like that just days after his Father's death. Cassel has emerged as one of the better QB's in this league and could be a Pro-Bowler sometime soon.
10. Philadelphia Eagles (8-5-1)
If I hadn't sold on them too early, my pre-season sleeper would be looking pretty good right now. They have two tough division games to finish the season, but that defense is playing like they're on the power play and someone woke Donovan McNabb up. Now if someone would just put Andy Reid to sleep we might have something here.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-5)
Um, the Bucs might want to figure out how to stop the run sometime soon. This is a bad trend that they've started. Fortunately they're playing the artist formerly known as LaDainian. Not a bad way to get back on track.
8. Atlanta Falcons (9-5)
I just like the Falcons. You know they're going to be in every game and this week that'll be against Tarvaris Jackson in the fourth quarter. Guess who I'm going with.
7. Baltimore Ravens (9-5)
It turns out that Mighty Joe Flacco is human, but it's tough to look immortal against one of the top-3 defenses of this decade. They have another tough game in Dallas this week but it shouldn't be as bad for their rookie QB this time around.
6. Dallas Cowboys (9-5)
It's like Lil' Wayne said, "shh . . . the fireman's coming." I don't know if that works, I just like the song. But even with all the drama, the Cowboys now have the inside track to the playoffs. I just realized something though. T.O. makes reading the paper like reading the male version of US Weekly. I can't get enough. I hope he cries again soon. And if that wasn't enough, Pac Man's back!
5. Indianapolis Colts (10-4)
The Colts let that one get a little close last week. Fortunately someone got into the huddle and said, "whoa, I didn't know we'd actually have to try. Oh well, let's go score a touchdown now." And they did. Now they play Jacksonville, a team that used to play them tough but now stinks. I'll go with the good Manning in the family this week.
4. Tennessee Titans (12-2)
That was as bad a week as you could have. A lame-brained coaching move, but more than that, losing your MVP. Albert Haynesworth's departure is huge for the Titans and we'll get to see what they're made of this week against Pittsburgh. I still like them, but it may be more of a love affair than logic.
3. New York Giants (11-3)
Seriously, how is Eli in the Pro Bowl? We've seen what happens when he has to carry the team. It's like my 100 lb. little sister trying to lift up my car. Just no prayer. No Plaxico. No running game. Eli's not good. The defense isn't all-world enough to right this ship. Lucky for them, Carolina has some major injuries too.
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3)
Their defense is just flat out amazing. I was so blinded by my love for the Titans that I didn't realize what was going on in Pittsburgh. Big Ben may not do it in a fashionable way because he has no offensive line, but he's getting the job done well enough to compliment the defense.
1. Carolina Panthers (11-3)
The Panthers are just mowing through their competition. They're like what I thought the Titans were + Steve Smith. If it wasn't for some injuries on the defensive line, I'd be guaranteeing a win for the Panthers this week. Either way, I see the Panthers as the favorite to win the NFC.
WEEK 16 PICKS
Indianapolis -6 at Jacksonville
Baltimore +4 at Dallas
New Orleans -7 at Detroit
Tennessee +2 vs. Pittsburgh
San Francisco -5.5 at St. Louis
Cincinnati +3 at Cleveland
Miami -4 at Kansas City
New England -8 vs. Arizona
Tampa Bay -3.5 vs. San Diego
Houston -7 at Oakland
Seattle +4.5 vs. New York Jets
Buffalo +7 at Denver (make sure San Diego loses in the morning before booking this one)
Atlanta +3 at Minnesota
Philadelphia -5 at Washington
Carolina +3 at New York Giants
Chicago -4 vs. Green Bay
Season: 106-110-8
I thought last week brought about a shake-up at the top. Wait until you see this week! The only other news is that the Chiefs once again have lost their name. On to the Rankings.
32. Detroit Lions (0-14)
They had me believing again for a minute. That would have been unreal if they had won in Indy as 17-point dogs. But alas, they didn't. Now people think that just because of history that the Lions will win this week. Nobody wants to believe that a team can go 0-16. That's the same logic as someone guaranteeing that heads comes up just because the last 10 coin flips were tails. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. This team's not winning unless they get to play the Rams.
31. St. Louis Rams (2-12)
The Rams are like the anti-Colts. Vegas is giving them an extra 3 points every week. You know what? It doesn't matter what Vegas does! It's like trying to Tiger-proof Augusta. Operation Bet Against The Rams will not be stopped.
30. Kansas City Chefs (2-12)
Yet again they've managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The difference this time is that I had their money line parlayed to four other winning bets. That means that they're now again the Chefs. Really, how do you blow that game? I hate them. The Chefs play to lose the game and that's the end of that.
29. Oakland Raiders (3-11)
So much for being frisky. I guess scoring a late TD to cut the lead to three touchdowns warrants a leap into the crowd. At least Darren McFadden thinks so. That's a sign that things are going downhill or went downhill and are trying to find another hill to go down.
28. Cleveland Browns (4-10)
I think I now know why Ken Dorsey was the third string QB on a really bad team. He can't throw the ball. That might be a problem, especially in cold weather and when your team's defense can't get off the field. It's too easy with this team.
27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-11-1)
Someone needs to tell the Bengals that they stink because they play like they're vying for the playoffs. Ryan Fitzpatrick and Marvin Lewis are like Shane Falco and Jimmy McGinty in The Replacements. They know they're not going to be around next season so they have nothing to lose. That makes them "very dangerous people" in Coach McGinty's words.
26. Seattle Seahawks (3-11)
The Seahawks finally figured out that it's not a good idea to throw a QB out there who can't run due to a herniated disc when you have no offensive line. With Seneca Wallace in there the Seahawks are at least frisky because he can run out of trouble. You know it's a bad season when Seneca Wallace's ability to run out of trouble is a bright spot.
25. Buffalo Bills (6-8)
I wish J.P. Losman was playing the whole season because #25 would be about 6 spots too high for this team. A quick rule of thumb for Dick Jauron: Do NOT put the game in J.P. Losman's hands. You will lose, in embarrassing fashion.
24. Green Bay Packers (5-9)
Congratulations, I've quit you. You're in the doghouse Green Bay. You couldn't even stop a Jaguars offense that had given up a month ago. I don't care how many points you beat Chicago by a few weeks ago. I'm picking against you this week and I might even go with the Lions next week. Ahhh, that feels much better. The Packers are finally out of my life.
23. San Diego Chargers (6-8)
The Chargers didn't deserve to move up in the Rankings after last week. It's just that the other teams deserved so much to move down. I'm predicting bad things for them this weekend.
22. San Francisco 49ers (5-9)
I really hope they keep winning because I sure could go for a full season of Mike Singletary. He was born to star in those Coors Light commercials. I may even subscribe to Showtime just to hear him on the sidelines during Inside the NFL next season.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-9)
Next time you're going to decide to try in a meaningless game out of nowhere, could you please let me know. Thanks Jags. I'm going against you again this week just to make sure that wasn't a fluke. Actually, maybe the Packers are just that bad that they couldn't beat a dying team. Yeah, that's probably it.
20. Washington Redskins (7-7)
How do you lose to the Bengals? They couldn't even pull a Donovan and tie! This team is done. They're Fredo and they just got onto the fishing boat. You know how this one ends.
19. New Orleans Saints (7-7)
Your season comes down to one stop in the 4th quarter in freezing weather and you let the mighty Kyle Orton and the Chicago Bears march down the field and score. This is why the MVP shouldn't be predicated on team performance. Is it Drew Brees' fault that his defense is deplorable?
18. Chicago Bears (8-6)
As poor as their play has been, the Bears are still in the hunt for a division title being only one game back. Matt Forte has been a serious find. Now if the defense can re-emerge, they might be able to finish this bad boy off.
17. Houston Texans (7-7)
Maybe I wrote them off too early. They may be one of the top-5 teams that you don't want to face right now. Andre Johnson is good for about 200 yards per game and the defense is swarming all over the field. I'm going to ride them the rest of the way.
16. Arizona Cardinals (8-6)
I don't care if they had nothing to play for. It was Tarvaris Jackson. Tarvaris Jackson! And it was at home. There's just no excuse. This is not a good sign for the Cardinals as they prepare for trying for playoff win #2 in their franchise's history.
15. Miami Dolphins (9-5)
The Dolphins just find a way to get things done. They get big sacks out of Jerry Porter. They have receivers that I've never heard of coming up with big plays. And Jason Taylor might actually wish he was here instead of in Washington. Who could have predicted that?
14. New York Jets (9-5)
A loss to the Raiders. A loss to the 49ers. Almost losing to the Chefs and Bills at home. The Jets are walking a tightrope this season and don't have room for error. I'm predicting that their luck will finally end this week.
13. Minnesota Vikings (9-5)
Losing Pat Williams is not what the Vikings needed. The only positive if they lose this week, and they will, is that they'll finally have the excuse to eliminate Tarvaris from the picture. Adrian Peterson can only do so much. Jared Allen's mullet is amazing though.
12. Denver Broncos (8-6)
I should have seen that one coming. A road game against a great team and the Broncos didn't really think they needed the win because they come home to Buffalo this week and the Chargers go to Tampa Bay. I didn't do my homework. If the Broncos wind up needing this one, it won't be a problem. But they won't need it and they'll probably start resting guys come the second half.
11. New England Patriots (9-5)
That was a great thing to see Matt Cassel have a day like that just days after his Father's death. Cassel has emerged as one of the better QB's in this league and could be a Pro-Bowler sometime soon.
10. Philadelphia Eagles (8-5-1)
If I hadn't sold on them too early, my pre-season sleeper would be looking pretty good right now. They have two tough division games to finish the season, but that defense is playing like they're on the power play and someone woke Donovan McNabb up. Now if someone would just put Andy Reid to sleep we might have something here.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-5)
Um, the Bucs might want to figure out how to stop the run sometime soon. This is a bad trend that they've started. Fortunately they're playing the artist formerly known as LaDainian. Not a bad way to get back on track.
8. Atlanta Falcons (9-5)
I just like the Falcons. You know they're going to be in every game and this week that'll be against Tarvaris Jackson in the fourth quarter. Guess who I'm going with.
7. Baltimore Ravens (9-5)
It turns out that Mighty Joe Flacco is human, but it's tough to look immortal against one of the top-3 defenses of this decade. They have another tough game in Dallas this week but it shouldn't be as bad for their rookie QB this time around.
6. Dallas Cowboys (9-5)
It's like Lil' Wayne said, "shh . . . the fireman's coming." I don't know if that works, I just like the song. But even with all the drama, the Cowboys now have the inside track to the playoffs. I just realized something though. T.O. makes reading the paper like reading the male version of US Weekly. I can't get enough. I hope he cries again soon. And if that wasn't enough, Pac Man's back!
5. Indianapolis Colts (10-4)
The Colts let that one get a little close last week. Fortunately someone got into the huddle and said, "whoa, I didn't know we'd actually have to try. Oh well, let's go score a touchdown now." And they did. Now they play Jacksonville, a team that used to play them tough but now stinks. I'll go with the good Manning in the family this week.
4. Tennessee Titans (12-2)
That was as bad a week as you could have. A lame-brained coaching move, but more than that, losing your MVP. Albert Haynesworth's departure is huge for the Titans and we'll get to see what they're made of this week against Pittsburgh. I still like them, but it may be more of a love affair than logic.
3. New York Giants (11-3)
Seriously, how is Eli in the Pro Bowl? We've seen what happens when he has to carry the team. It's like my 100 lb. little sister trying to lift up my car. Just no prayer. No Plaxico. No running game. Eli's not good. The defense isn't all-world enough to right this ship. Lucky for them, Carolina has some major injuries too.
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3)
Their defense is just flat out amazing. I was so blinded by my love for the Titans that I didn't realize what was going on in Pittsburgh. Big Ben may not do it in a fashionable way because he has no offensive line, but he's getting the job done well enough to compliment the defense.
1. Carolina Panthers (11-3)
The Panthers are just mowing through their competition. They're like what I thought the Titans were + Steve Smith. If it wasn't for some injuries on the defensive line, I'd be guaranteeing a win for the Panthers this week. Either way, I see the Panthers as the favorite to win the NFC.
WEEK 16 PICKS
Indianapolis -6 at Jacksonville
Baltimore +4 at Dallas
New Orleans -7 at Detroit
Tennessee +2 vs. Pittsburgh
San Francisco -5.5 at St. Louis
Cincinnati +3 at Cleveland
Miami -4 at Kansas City
New England -8 vs. Arizona
Tampa Bay -3.5 vs. San Diego
Houston -7 at Oakland
Seattle +4.5 vs. New York Jets
Buffalo +7 at Denver (make sure San Diego loses in the morning before booking this one)
Atlanta +3 at Minnesota
Philadelphia -5 at Washington
Carolina +3 at New York Giants
Chicago -4 vs. Green Bay
Season: 106-110-8
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