NFL Power Rankings - Week 14
I finally picked a Patriots game right, but not so much with the rest of the league. It's pretty easy to figure out what the top five teams are going to do week in and week out, and it's even easier to predict a road loss for every crappy team in the league, but I think the Broncos typify the rest of the NFL. How on earth are you supposed to predict a team like them? They get killed at home by the Raiders and then go and mop the floor with the Jets on the road. The spreads are easy to predict, it's the picking a winner part that's getting me. Oh well, it could be worse, I could be Plaxico Burress or Antonio Pierce right now. I think Pierce is what's getting lost in all of this. What happens when he gets charged? He'll be suspended and he's either the first or second best player on that fearsome Giants defense. I think this should teach everyone a good lesson. Don't take out your illegal weapon and shoot yourself with it and don't hide said weapon that your moron friend just used to try and cover up the crime. Thank you to the Giants for teaching me these wonderfully important life lessons. On to the Rankings.
32. Detroit Lions (0-12)
I think this might be the last stand for the Lions. They're at home this week against the Vikings and should figure to have the running game in form because some Vikings players got diarrhea and took the wrong medicine earning them suspensions. The Lions better win this week because after this they're at Indy, home for New Orleans, and at Green Bay to finish the season. None of those sound like winnable games. Expect the Lions to pull out all of the stops this week and don't be surprised if pride is enough to overcome putridity for the Lions this week.
31. St. Louis Rams (2-10)
It appears as though Stephen Jackson is the only impediment for Operation Bet Against The Rams. Unfortunately for the Rams though, you don't get too much credit for covering ridiculous spreads, at home.
30. Cincinnati Bengals (1-10-1)
Wow, I had no business ranking the Bengals over anyone except the Lions and Rams. They really stink. You can't give me enough points to take them anymore. Again, Marvin Lewis. How does he have a job? We're in a recession but Marvin Lewis keeps his job? I don't get it. I was a pretty good flag football coach, maybe I'll send my resume in to Cincy and see what happens.
29. Seattle Seahawks (2-10)
This is just another really bad football team. If Matt Hasselbeck has to endure another few weeks of this, he may turn into Philip Rivers and literally have his head explode. Would you blame him?
28. Oakland Raiders (3-9)
After watching Nebraska execute the no-look pass to the opposing team on a field goal attempt for a TD I thought I'd seen the worst play of the weekend. Nope. The no-look pass through the legs to a fat, drunk kicker who probably couldn't even run the yardage necessary untouched for a first down was the worst play of the season. If you asked me a draw up the play most likely to result in a TD for the other team, the no-look pass between the legs to Sebastian Janikowski on a fake field goal attempt would be my play.
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-10)
What's that Chiefs fans? You want your name back? You got it! When a team, albeit the idiotic Raiders, is scared enough of you to try an asinine fake field goal, you get your name back. In all seriousness though, I'm finally buying into Tyler Thigpen. He is the one minor bright point for the Chiefs this year. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure Herm Edwards got it right. You do play to win the game and that doesn't happen often in KC.
26. San Francisco 49ers (4-8)
Was this the most improbable win of the season? How did Mike Singletary win a game across the country in a freezing, hostile atmosphere. Did he drop his pants again? Had to be a fluke, right? Maybe not. Ok, maybe it was, but I'll try and ride with them for one week and see what happens.
25. Cleveland Browns (4-8)
As if they weren't bad enough already. Now they're down to third-string QB, Ken Dorsey. You can't set that line against the Titans this week high enough. Romeo Crennel is going to envision eating about 35 funnel cakes this week.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-8)
Why do they even bother showing up for games anymore? How do you let the Houston Texans mop the floor with you on national television? I really can't explain how their defense is this bad. This is another team that I'm not picking anymore.
23. San Diego Chargers (4-8)
I don't think we'll see anymore Chargers games in which they're favored over teams that are actually good at football. LaDainian is not good anymore. His drop from fantasy MVP to potential backup is unfathomable. At least the Chargers have another season of Norv Turner to look forward to because the owners won't want to admit that they made a mistake firing Marty Schottenheimer.
22. Buffalo Bills (6-6)
Remember when they were good at football? Yeah, they're not good anymore. I don't get this team either. Maybe things will get better for them in Canada. Can't hurt.
21. Houston Texans (5-7)
The Texans need to play more nationally televised games if only for Mario Williams' sake. That guy turns into Lawrence Taylor every time I watch him play a full game. Unfortunately I think reality will set back in for the Texans as they go up to the cold to play the Packers. Thankfully I don't think too many people will watch.
20. Chicago Bears (6-6)
Ok, I know I said that I wasn't picking the Jaguars anymore, but they're playing the Bears. And the Bears are GIVING 6.5 points. What am I supposed to do there? Do you see now why picking these games is so hard? Can't I just take the over on turnovers for the game? Meanwhile the Bears are only a game out of the divisional league. This is a crazy year.
19. Philadelphia Eagles (6-5-1)
Did you see that smile on Donovan's face? Well, where was that the week before when he got negative points for my fantasy team? I think last week just makes me even sicker that I picked the Eagles as my sleeper. They're clearly capable of great football but they just can't get it together. Let's just say that I don't have faith in Andy Reid to get it together.
18. Green Bay Packers (5-7)
To me this is the best 5-7 team ever. I still think that they play more like an 8-4 team but they just seem to lose every tough game and their schedule sure hasn't helped any. They need to win out and their schedule gives them an opportunity to do so. Don't give up on this team yet. If the defense can show up even a little bit, I think they can steal the division.
17. Washington Redskins (7-5)
My how the mighty have fallen. Remember when you couldn't get away with ranking them any worse than #5? That was when Buffalo was good too. It's been a while. Now they're almost underdogs by a TD to a rookie QB.
16. Miami Dolphins (7-5)
They're the only AFC East team to win this past weekend and now they're only a game out in the division. They have another must-win game this week against Buffalo and if they Niners can beat the Bills then I have no reason to doubt that Miami can do it as well.
15. Minnesota Vikings (7-5)
We may be watching one of the greatest running backs of all time in Adrian Peterson. He's winning the NFC North all by himself. The Vikings will seriously miss the Williams boys on defense but if anyone can save this team from falling out of first its Jesus, Purple Jesus that is.
14. New Orleans Saints (6-6)
I think that we'd have the Saints as a Top 10 team if they didn't play in the toughest division. Yes, I said it. The NFC South is the toughest division in the NFL. The Saints are a solid team and a great home team. You do not want to go down to the Bayou and play my MVP, Drew Brees & Co.
13. Denver Broncos (7-5)
As I said at the beginning of this column, I'm done trying to figure out a team like the Broncos. There is no rhyme or reason to their performances. Home field doesn't matter. The defense decides every other week whether or not to show up. Jay Cutler can be the best in the league in any given week but he doesn't tell us when those weeks will come beforehand. I don't know. I'm flipping a coin with them.
12. Arizona Cardinals (7-5)
Apparently it helps to have an offensive line and a defense. The Cardinals are very fun to watch because they feature the best wide receiving corps in football and can't cover anyone on defense. Luckily for them they play in the NFC West. So it doesn't matter. For instance, they get the Rams at home this week and it's an important divisional game.
11. New England Patriots (7-5)
I like Matt Cassel but the "trade Brady and keep Cassel" talk is ridiculous. Cassel is better than the average QB but he's not an all-world guy like Tom Brady. The Patriots can still smell the playoffs but I think that we all know they're not a Super Bowl contender.
10. Baltimore Ravens (8-4)
I was watching some NFL talk and heard a lot of guys talking about not wanting to play Baltimore in the playoffs. I didn't even know they were good and then checked and saw that they were 8-4. How did that happen? They've quietly positioned themselves for a nice stretch run.
9. New York Jets (8-4)
Well, at least I read this one right. The Jets are NOT the best team in the AFC. I guarantee you that if they play the Titans in the playoffs that they'll lose by double digits. They're a very decent team but they're not Super Bowl contenders either.
8. Dallas Cowboys (8-4)
Don't look now but the Cowboys are 8-4 heading into the tough stretch of their schedule. This week's game in Pittsburgh will be very telling. I think they might be up to the task provided that Barber and Ware are healthy. This is a team that I wouldn't want to see healthy in the playoffs if I was the opposition.
7. Indianapolis Colts (8-4)
The Colts earned this slight drop in the Rankings by not getting an offensive TD against the mighty Cleveland Browns. I don't care if that disaster in the new Keanu movie showed up for the game. There's no excuse for the drops and fumbles that the Colts had. They did get a win, but they're going to need to get their acts together.
6. Carolina Panthers (9-3)
That was an impressive win in Green Bay. They gave up an early lead, went down, then clawed their way back for a big road win. Steve Smith is a giant of a 5'10'' receiver. The Throw The Ball Up In The Air play usually doesn't work with anyone under 6'3'' but Steve Smith is the exception. This is one half of a great Monday Night Football matchup, the complete opposite of this past Monday's Houston/Jacksonville debacle.
5. Atlanta Falcons (8-4)
When will they start to get the credit they deserve? This is a very good football team that doesn't ever seem to make a big mistake. They just have solid players at pretty much every position and a rookie QB that's one of the Top 10 QB's in the the league in Matt Ryan. They're traveling to a hostile atmosphere in New Orleans this week but I would not be at all surprised if the Falcons eke out a close one.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-3)
The other half of this week's most important game on Monday Night. Did anyone else get a kick out of the butt slap that Garcia gave Gruden. Gruden stared him down for a couple of seconds before giving the high five. It was great. As to the rest of the Bucs, you know what you're getting, solid defense for the entire game and some mediocre offense that has a knack for making decent plays when it counts.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3)
How many turnovers did the Steelers force in the second half against the Patriots? Their defense wins games for them but I'm not ready to champion them until I see that their pass protection has improved.
2. Tennessee Titans (11-1)
That wasn't nice to put the Titans up against the Lions on Thanksgiving. That was worse than the beating the Indians took at the hands of the Pilgrims. The Titans have another tough one this week against Ken Dorsey and the mighty Browns. I wanted to see Derek Anderson because as we all know, the Browns beat the Giants so if the Titans beat that same Browns team I think it would have given us a good barometer.
1. New York Giants (11-1)
The Bengals must be sending the Giants chocolate and flowers for taking them out of the limelight when it comes to arrests and ridiculous incidents. Their offensive line is the best in the business. Hopefully none of them shoot themselves in the leg, literally or figuratively.
WEEK 14 PICKS
Oakland +10 at San Diego
Detroit +9 vs. Minnesota
Indianapolis -13.5 vs. Cincinnati
Atlanta +3 at New Orleans
Philadelphia +8 at New York Giants
Green Bay -6 vs. Houston
Tennessee -13.5 vs. Cleveland
Chicago -6.5 vs. Jacksonville
San Francisco +4 vs. New York Jets
New England -5 at Seattle
Denver -9 vs. Kansas City
Miami +1 at Buffalo
Dallas +3 at Pittsburgh
Arizona -14 vs. St. Louis
Baltimore -5 vs. Washington
Carolina -3 vs. Tampa Bay
Season: 90-97-5
32. Detroit Lions (0-12)
I think this might be the last stand for the Lions. They're at home this week against the Vikings and should figure to have the running game in form because some Vikings players got diarrhea and took the wrong medicine earning them suspensions. The Lions better win this week because after this they're at Indy, home for New Orleans, and at Green Bay to finish the season. None of those sound like winnable games. Expect the Lions to pull out all of the stops this week and don't be surprised if pride is enough to overcome putridity for the Lions this week.
31. St. Louis Rams (2-10)
It appears as though Stephen Jackson is the only impediment for Operation Bet Against The Rams. Unfortunately for the Rams though, you don't get too much credit for covering ridiculous spreads, at home.
30. Cincinnati Bengals (1-10-1)
Wow, I had no business ranking the Bengals over anyone except the Lions and Rams. They really stink. You can't give me enough points to take them anymore. Again, Marvin Lewis. How does he have a job? We're in a recession but Marvin Lewis keeps his job? I don't get it. I was a pretty good flag football coach, maybe I'll send my resume in to Cincy and see what happens.
29. Seattle Seahawks (2-10)
This is just another really bad football team. If Matt Hasselbeck has to endure another few weeks of this, he may turn into Philip Rivers and literally have his head explode. Would you blame him?
28. Oakland Raiders (3-9)
After watching Nebraska execute the no-look pass to the opposing team on a field goal attempt for a TD I thought I'd seen the worst play of the weekend. Nope. The no-look pass through the legs to a fat, drunk kicker who probably couldn't even run the yardage necessary untouched for a first down was the worst play of the season. If you asked me a draw up the play most likely to result in a TD for the other team, the no-look pass between the legs to Sebastian Janikowski on a fake field goal attempt would be my play.
27. Kansas City Chiefs (2-10)
What's that Chiefs fans? You want your name back? You got it! When a team, albeit the idiotic Raiders, is scared enough of you to try an asinine fake field goal, you get your name back. In all seriousness though, I'm finally buying into Tyler Thigpen. He is the one minor bright point for the Chiefs this year. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure Herm Edwards got it right. You do play to win the game and that doesn't happen often in KC.
26. San Francisco 49ers (4-8)
Was this the most improbable win of the season? How did Mike Singletary win a game across the country in a freezing, hostile atmosphere. Did he drop his pants again? Had to be a fluke, right? Maybe not. Ok, maybe it was, but I'll try and ride with them for one week and see what happens.
25. Cleveland Browns (4-8)
As if they weren't bad enough already. Now they're down to third-string QB, Ken Dorsey. You can't set that line against the Titans this week high enough. Romeo Crennel is going to envision eating about 35 funnel cakes this week.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-8)
Why do they even bother showing up for games anymore? How do you let the Houston Texans mop the floor with you on national television? I really can't explain how their defense is this bad. This is another team that I'm not picking anymore.
23. San Diego Chargers (4-8)
I don't think we'll see anymore Chargers games in which they're favored over teams that are actually good at football. LaDainian is not good anymore. His drop from fantasy MVP to potential backup is unfathomable. At least the Chargers have another season of Norv Turner to look forward to because the owners won't want to admit that they made a mistake firing Marty Schottenheimer.
22. Buffalo Bills (6-6)
Remember when they were good at football? Yeah, they're not good anymore. I don't get this team either. Maybe things will get better for them in Canada. Can't hurt.
21. Houston Texans (5-7)
The Texans need to play more nationally televised games if only for Mario Williams' sake. That guy turns into Lawrence Taylor every time I watch him play a full game. Unfortunately I think reality will set back in for the Texans as they go up to the cold to play the Packers. Thankfully I don't think too many people will watch.
20. Chicago Bears (6-6)
Ok, I know I said that I wasn't picking the Jaguars anymore, but they're playing the Bears. And the Bears are GIVING 6.5 points. What am I supposed to do there? Do you see now why picking these games is so hard? Can't I just take the over on turnovers for the game? Meanwhile the Bears are only a game out of the divisional league. This is a crazy year.
19. Philadelphia Eagles (6-5-1)
Did you see that smile on Donovan's face? Well, where was that the week before when he got negative points for my fantasy team? I think last week just makes me even sicker that I picked the Eagles as my sleeper. They're clearly capable of great football but they just can't get it together. Let's just say that I don't have faith in Andy Reid to get it together.
18. Green Bay Packers (5-7)
To me this is the best 5-7 team ever. I still think that they play more like an 8-4 team but they just seem to lose every tough game and their schedule sure hasn't helped any. They need to win out and their schedule gives them an opportunity to do so. Don't give up on this team yet. If the defense can show up even a little bit, I think they can steal the division.
17. Washington Redskins (7-5)
My how the mighty have fallen. Remember when you couldn't get away with ranking them any worse than #5? That was when Buffalo was good too. It's been a while. Now they're almost underdogs by a TD to a rookie QB.
16. Miami Dolphins (7-5)
They're the only AFC East team to win this past weekend and now they're only a game out in the division. They have another must-win game this week against Buffalo and if they Niners can beat the Bills then I have no reason to doubt that Miami can do it as well.
15. Minnesota Vikings (7-5)
We may be watching one of the greatest running backs of all time in Adrian Peterson. He's winning the NFC North all by himself. The Vikings will seriously miss the Williams boys on defense but if anyone can save this team from falling out of first its Jesus, Purple Jesus that is.
14. New Orleans Saints (6-6)
I think that we'd have the Saints as a Top 10 team if they didn't play in the toughest division. Yes, I said it. The NFC South is the toughest division in the NFL. The Saints are a solid team and a great home team. You do not want to go down to the Bayou and play my MVP, Drew Brees & Co.
13. Denver Broncos (7-5)
As I said at the beginning of this column, I'm done trying to figure out a team like the Broncos. There is no rhyme or reason to their performances. Home field doesn't matter. The defense decides every other week whether or not to show up. Jay Cutler can be the best in the league in any given week but he doesn't tell us when those weeks will come beforehand. I don't know. I'm flipping a coin with them.
12. Arizona Cardinals (7-5)
Apparently it helps to have an offensive line and a defense. The Cardinals are very fun to watch because they feature the best wide receiving corps in football and can't cover anyone on defense. Luckily for them they play in the NFC West. So it doesn't matter. For instance, they get the Rams at home this week and it's an important divisional game.
11. New England Patriots (7-5)
I like Matt Cassel but the "trade Brady and keep Cassel" talk is ridiculous. Cassel is better than the average QB but he's not an all-world guy like Tom Brady. The Patriots can still smell the playoffs but I think that we all know they're not a Super Bowl contender.
10. Baltimore Ravens (8-4)
I was watching some NFL talk and heard a lot of guys talking about not wanting to play Baltimore in the playoffs. I didn't even know they were good and then checked and saw that they were 8-4. How did that happen? They've quietly positioned themselves for a nice stretch run.
9. New York Jets (8-4)
Well, at least I read this one right. The Jets are NOT the best team in the AFC. I guarantee you that if they play the Titans in the playoffs that they'll lose by double digits. They're a very decent team but they're not Super Bowl contenders either.
8. Dallas Cowboys (8-4)
Don't look now but the Cowboys are 8-4 heading into the tough stretch of their schedule. This week's game in Pittsburgh will be very telling. I think they might be up to the task provided that Barber and Ware are healthy. This is a team that I wouldn't want to see healthy in the playoffs if I was the opposition.
7. Indianapolis Colts (8-4)
The Colts earned this slight drop in the Rankings by not getting an offensive TD against the mighty Cleveland Browns. I don't care if that disaster in the new Keanu movie showed up for the game. There's no excuse for the drops and fumbles that the Colts had. They did get a win, but they're going to need to get their acts together.
6. Carolina Panthers (9-3)
That was an impressive win in Green Bay. They gave up an early lead, went down, then clawed their way back for a big road win. Steve Smith is a giant of a 5'10'' receiver. The Throw The Ball Up In The Air play usually doesn't work with anyone under 6'3'' but Steve Smith is the exception. This is one half of a great Monday Night Football matchup, the complete opposite of this past Monday's Houston/Jacksonville debacle.
5. Atlanta Falcons (8-4)
When will they start to get the credit they deserve? This is a very good football team that doesn't ever seem to make a big mistake. They just have solid players at pretty much every position and a rookie QB that's one of the Top 10 QB's in the the league in Matt Ryan. They're traveling to a hostile atmosphere in New Orleans this week but I would not be at all surprised if the Falcons eke out a close one.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-3)
The other half of this week's most important game on Monday Night. Did anyone else get a kick out of the butt slap that Garcia gave Gruden. Gruden stared him down for a couple of seconds before giving the high five. It was great. As to the rest of the Bucs, you know what you're getting, solid defense for the entire game and some mediocre offense that has a knack for making decent plays when it counts.
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3)
How many turnovers did the Steelers force in the second half against the Patriots? Their defense wins games for them but I'm not ready to champion them until I see that their pass protection has improved.
2. Tennessee Titans (11-1)
That wasn't nice to put the Titans up against the Lions on Thanksgiving. That was worse than the beating the Indians took at the hands of the Pilgrims. The Titans have another tough one this week against Ken Dorsey and the mighty Browns. I wanted to see Derek Anderson because as we all know, the Browns beat the Giants so if the Titans beat that same Browns team I think it would have given us a good barometer.
1. New York Giants (11-1)
The Bengals must be sending the Giants chocolate and flowers for taking them out of the limelight when it comes to arrests and ridiculous incidents. Their offensive line is the best in the business. Hopefully none of them shoot themselves in the leg, literally or figuratively.
WEEK 14 PICKS
Oakland +10 at San Diego
Detroit +9 vs. Minnesota
Indianapolis -13.5 vs. Cincinnati
Atlanta +3 at New Orleans
Philadelphia +8 at New York Giants
Green Bay -6 vs. Houston
Tennessee -13.5 vs. Cleveland
Chicago -6.5 vs. Jacksonville
San Francisco +4 vs. New York Jets
New England -5 at Seattle
Denver -9 vs. Kansas City
Miami +1 at Buffalo
Dallas +3 at Pittsburgh
Arizona -14 vs. St. Louis
Baltimore -5 vs. Washington
Carolina -3 vs. Tampa Bay
Season: 90-97-5
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