Back by popular demand . . . the Rudin Weekly Mailbag!  My answers are in bold.  If you want to be in next month's edition, feel free to email me at Eric.Rudin@gmail.com.

Q:  Nobody cares about your stupid stock portfolio.  Stop whining and taking up your site's space with it.  Besides, nobody feels sorry for you.  I've never met a poor person who talked about his stock portfolio.  (David from Los Angeles, CA)

A:  Fine, I'll complain about my fantasy baseball team instead.  Why did Takashi Saito have to go on the DL?  Do the fantasy gods know when my $30 guys are coming off the DL?  I'm just about to get Ryan Zimmerman back, and boom down goes Saito.  Although, I must say, Broxton does look like a closer and how great was that comeback yesterday.  No, I'm still not convinced the Dodgers will be anything but a possible playoff sneak in that flames out early.  I'm betting on second place in the wildcard stakes though.

Q:  What did you think of the British Open?  What was the biggest storyline?  I definitely agree that it was still compelling even without Tiger.  (Tom from Burbank, CA)

A:  Tough to decide what the biggest storyline was.  First off, I'm one of those people who enjoys the U.S. and British Opens because I think it's fun to watch the pros struggle sometimes.  I thought it was thoroughly enjoyable to watch and as far as Tiger goes, I just think it would have been fun to see him battle the conditions and watch some of the decisions he would have made.  But back to your question, I think Greg Norman's play has to be the biggest story.  Of course it's funny that he took a 2-stroke lead and bogeyed the first 3 holes as if it was 1998, but he hung in there more than I thought he would.  I don't think his performance is getting enough print though.  Have you seen Norman in the last 5 years?  I haven't.  Last time I saw him was when he caddied for Matt Lauer in the U.S. Open exhibition.  The time before that he was probably missing a putt on Sunday at Augusta.  His performance this week at age 53 was truly unbelievable and, unfortunately for Padraig, overshadowed another major winner's playing through injury.  Harrington's shot on 17 was amazing.  He went from potentially blowing the tournament to winning going away in about five minutes.  Of course I was down on Poulter at 40-1.  Shocking.  Last note:  I love announcers.  Norman had a twenty-foot putt and right before he struck it the announcer said, "no way he leaves this short."  Two seconds later the ball came up a solid four feet short, never sniffing the hole.  Announcers never learn.  The guy was probably waiting all weekend to mutter that line and chose the exact worst time to use it.

Q:  Who do you have this weekend, Cotto or Margarito?  (Tony from Santa Monica, CA)

A:  I'm going with the chalk and taking Cotto here.  I think that all of the hype that the fight is getting as a potential Fight of the Year candidate is well deserved, although I still say it can't top Vasquez-Marquez III from earlier this year.  Both Cotto and Margarito are great warrior/action fighters and it will be interesting to see who's stalking who.  Cotto is the more skilled of the two and with all of the close range action that I expect to see, I think Cotto's body work will be better than Margarito's.  However, Cotto will not KO Margarito because I think you could run Margarito over with a truck and he'd stay on his feet.  Guy's never been hurt.  For the record, I wouldn't want to be either fighter Saturday night.  Both will endure a ton of punishment.  Neither Margarito nor Cotto will back down with their passionate Mexican and Puerto Rican fans respectively out in full force.  Definitely spend the PPV money and thank me later.  Or don't thank me, but still, order the fight.  I don't get any of the proceeds, don't worry.

Q:  What do you think of the NFL's publicly saying that they're going to have experts watching game tape looking for players using gang signs?  (Mike from Tarzana, CA)

A:  I think it's hilarious.  They're doing it because Paul Pierce allegedly flashed a gang sign at Al Horford.  Pierce vehemently denies using gang signs, so the NFL clearly needs to monitor gang sign usage.  Did that last sentence make any sense?  No?  Well, neither does the NFL's using the Pierce episode as a springboard for more Orwell-like behavior control.  By the way, Pierce doesn't play in the NFL, he plays in the NBA.  Dick Cheney's probably involved somehow from his underground lair.  What I want to know is, who are these gang sign experts?  Do they get guys from MS-13, the Mexican Mafia, the Bloods, the Crips, the Vicelords, the Disciples, the Latin Kings, etc., put them all in a room and then see if anyone recognizes whether or not Tom Brady flashed a gang sign because a ref phoned the office after the game?  Do they get "experts" who look like me to do this?  I think you could make the gang sign review room into a reality show.  I'd watch.

Q:  Did you see Dark Knight?  What did you think?  (John from Los Angeles, CA)

A:  I won't make it a habit of answering movie questions here, but Dark Knight is one of three movies I've seen this year and I plan on seeing it again this week.  Unreal how good it was.  It's a shame that people will think that Heath Ledger is going to win the Oscar strictly because he died.  He put on one of the best performances I've seen.  I felt the same way about Heath Ledger in Dark Knight that I did about Forrest Whitaker in Last King of Scotland.  On a side note, the lady in front of me had her phone go off twice during the movie even though the Arclight reminds you at least 7 times to turn your phone off.  So, not only did the lady not turn her phone off, but she proceeded to start text messaging and repeatedly taking the phone out to monitor whatever's going on in her life every ten minutes.  The lady next to me finally asked her to put it away and the rude lady shushed her.  How does that make sense?  Anyway, after the movie I really wanted to confront rude phone lady but didn't know what she looked like.  Luckily my friend pointed her out, so I went over and calmly asked if she was the culprit.  She responded in the affirmative so I calmly told her that I thought it was rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate and just wondered how she could be so selfish.  The following two minutes can be summed up like this:  You want to piss someone off?  Accuse someone of being rude, never lose your cool and proceed to hammer your point home enough that the person has no recourse but to start cussing you out.  Then, continue to remain calm, ask her why she feels the need to use profanity in public and watch her go nuts.  The lesson:  If you do something inconsiderate and I'm in the vicinity, well, I'm not going to react kindly.  Be forewarned.

Q:  Eric, what do you think of UCLA's chances this season?  (Tom from Westwood, CA)

A:  What's funny is, a friend of mine, who does media work in college football, asked me this question last week.  Not putting two and two together, I spent a few minutes talking about Jrue Holliday, Darren Collison, and Josh Shipp before realizing that I was being asked a football question, by my friend who works in college football.  Given the time of year, I'm guessing yours is a football question as well.  I'll keep this short, what scares me is that, if UCLA got some game film of my performances at Cheviot Hills Sports Camp as a camp counselor playing QB with the kids, I think they'd be sending me a recruitment letter at this point.  By the way, I'm 5'7'' and an unspecified weight.  My weight is not specified because my Mom called me fat again yesterday while I was noshing on some onion dip at my cousin's birthday party.  I love onion dip.  So, yeah, ask me that question again in a few months when it's time for basketball season and I can give you a real answer with some enthusiasm, not when I feel like I could start at QB.

Q:  Eric, don't you think you should lose some weight?  (Elyse Rudin from Los Angeles, CA)

A:  Yes Mom.  Thanks. 

Q:  Did you watch the ESPY's?  (Frank from Santa Monica, CA)

A:  Nope, it's not fun to watch an awards show when the company that puts it on tells you who's going to win all of the awards five days before the show airs.

Q:  Good call with the D-Backs.  Have they won a game since you picked them?  (Dan from Huntington Beach, CA)

A:  It was all to jinx them and put the Dodgers in first place in the NL Worst, I mean West.  I still think if the D-Backs make the playoffs, which they should, that teams will not be happy facing them.  They still have Webb and Haren who will make it quite tough to oust the D-Backs in a 7-game series.  My other contenders are looking pretty solid though (White Sox, Tigers, Cardinals, Yankees, Mets).  It's a shame I didn't pick any of them though.

Q:  Did you see that Ronaldinho got transferred to AC Milan?  What do you think of all of the off-season maneuvering in European soccer?  (Ron from Venice, CA)

A:  Of course I saw that Ronaldinho got moved to Milan!  He'll be teaming with fellow Brazilian and FIFA Player of the Year, Kaka.  Yes, that's his real name for those of you non-soccer people.  Also potentially joining Milan could be Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor who wants 80,000 pounds a week instead of the 35,000 he currently receives.  That would be a freakishly good squad.  Poor Barcelona, losing Ronaldinho and Portuguese midfielder Deco in the same offseason.  Good thing they still have Messi.  Next up will be monitoring whether Cristiano Ronaldo stays with Man. U or goes to Real Madrid.  I hear he has a high opinion of himself.

Q:  Now that the German team has officially qualified for the final spot in Olympics basketball, do you think the US team can come through with the gold? Or will we come up short again?  (D.J. from Studio City, CA)

A:  Let's start by saying I love that foreigners refer to Lebron James as LeBronze.  That should curb is inflated ego for about 2.5 seconds.  But I'm not sure what to think of the roster.  Coach K is great, and our point guard play will be unparalleled with Paul, Williams, and Kidd (as opposed to Marbury and Iverson in '04).  Dwight Howard at C will be solid and I'm glad we got a defensive specialist who can make open shots in Tayshaun Prince on the team.  But, why are there no shooters?  My usual argument for why the U.S. won't lose would have revolved around Kobe.  Too bad I can't play that card anymore.  Michael Redd doesn't count because he won't see the floor with the other guys playing at his position.  Why hasn't the U.S. learned that you can't win these global competitions only with guys whose main strength is slashing.  The Olympic referees won't be blowing the whistle just because someone breathed on LeBron.  No, we need guys who can knock down open shots and I just don't see anyone on the team getting serious PT who has that as his strength.  This year's team is a legitimate upgrade from '04 and I don't see us losing to Carlos Arroyo and Puerto Rico again, but I think we will struggle with Argentina.  They'll go dribble weave, create open looks, and dare us to shoot jumpers.  Hmm, you think they'll be able to con Carmelo, LeBron, or Kobe into shooting open jump shots?  All it takes is one of them to undo any conceivable flow that the team gets going.  And I know Bosh, Boozer, and Howard are great, but don't forget that low post play isn't as effective in international competition because of the trapezoid lane.  Didn't we invent basketball by the way?  Shouldn't the world have to use our dimensions?  It was James Naismith, not Giovanni, Jurgen, or Jean-Luc Naismith.  Going back to your question though, I know that the U.S. will have far superior talent than anyone else in the field, but I wouldn't bet on them to win the Gold Medal unless Coach K can control all of those A-List celebrities on the roster.  One ego problem and we go down.  Don't forget, the U.S. squad lost to Greece two years ago in the FIBA tournament with LeBron, Wade, Howard and co. on the floor.  Mighty Greece was led by Vassilis Spanoulis.  I'd love to tell you differently, but I don't think the U.S. will prevail.  I blame Bush.  Hey, if the Republicans could blame Clinton for everything that went wrong even as they were making money under his administration, I can blame Bush for the U.S. basketball team's woes while my dollars devolve into the something resembling the peso.  If that doesn't work we can always blame the Jews.  That usually suffices.  See you all next time.  Thanks again for writing in.