The Truth Is, Black Mamba Was Nowhere To Be Found In Game 1
Well, that could not have gone much worse. Kobe never really went Black Mamba. Lamar looked like he had just got finished smoking a bowl with 1:30 left in the game as he sat there on the bench with that odd grin. Pau was more painful to watch than Cristiano Ronaldo getting slide tackled and crying on the ground for five minutes. The bench, aside from maybe Ronny Turiaf, blew. I mean, that play with two minutes left, down by five, where Sasha fouled Ray Allen on a jumper with one second left on the shot clock just said it all. It was just awful. But, a few made baskets in the last three or four minutes of the game and the Lakers still steal Game 1. However, things need to change for the Lake Show to win Game 2, or any game in the New Garden (I think that's what they were calling it) for that matter.
1. Pau needs to not play like a little girl (my apologies to little girls for denigrating you that way but I couldn't think of a better way to put it). Stop pushing off, box someone out, and stop whining after every call, blown or otherwise. Yeah, you blocked that shot, but Ronny slapped KG's arm a half-second later so the ref thought you made the contact. How about not getting beat every play and flailing all over the place? As that psycho little white guy on Real World 20 would say, "MAN UP! YOU'RE 7-FEET TALL!!!" By the way, how bad is this season of the Real World? I watch only one reality show and it's the Real World. It used to be great. Put a bunch of funny young peole who like to drink in a house and start the cameras. Now? Put a bunch of crazy young people who love to fight and drink in a house and film the carnage. Something very bad is going to happen on this show one of these days with the new formula, like a jaw needing to be wired shut. The only saving grace for the Hollywood season was Greg because at least he was ridiculous enough to be funny by accident, calling people "peasants" and girls that he dates "associates." Now that he got the boot it's like watching some celerity rehab show but without the celebrities. And I hate celebrity rehab shows. They need to bring Isaac back. That's the only way to save this season.
2. More Sam Cassell. Lots more. Not only is this guy from 3 solar systems past Planets Van Exel and Popey Jones (or is Popeye Jones from the same swamp as Shrek? I forget. I'll have to research that one), but Cassell can do no wrong in the eyes of Lakers fans. If he makes a shot, 10 more bad ones are coming. If he misses, he doesn't care and keeps chucking like he's got Hakeem under there rebounding for him and it's 1996. I can't tell you how happy I was to watch Cassell drain three straight jumpers early. Do you know why? Because everybody knew that Sam would think he had carte blanche to chuck up a bunch of ill advised shots later on as a result. Every time he shoots the Celtics lose momentum and fail to run any kind of offense. Not that the Celtics run offense anyway, but you get the point. You've played pick up games with guys like Cassell. Everybody has. You know, the guy who banks in a ridiculous 3-pointer early on so he shoots about 6 more in the next 10 possessions like he's Reggie Miller at MSG with Spike Lee sitting courtside. Except that this guy is a lifetime 8.6% shooter from long range but nobody dares to tell him to stop shooting because he's nuts, like Cassell. From now on, we're calling that going Cassell. I hated watching Cassell throw up that one shot that hit the bottom right portion of the backboard, if only because even Doc Rivers would know it was finally time to take him out of the game. If we can get Cassell about 15 minutes per game, then there is no excuse for the Lakers to lose. None.
3. Don't switch on screens unless Lamar and Pau or Lamar and Kobe are the guys involved and Kobe doesn't end up on Garnett. I hate when TNT doesn't have the games because that means no Barkley, Kenny, Ernie show. But, Van Gundy, Jackson, and Breen do a great collective job during the game with insight and analysis. They nailed this point. Pierce loves to have a little guy switch onto him and then shoot right over the guy. The Lakers cannot have Farmar or Fisher switching onto Pierce. They showed one such play in that cool super slo-mo HD replay mode with Fish switching onto Pierce only to get a jumper hit in his face. Pierce will score 80% of the time in that situation. Instead, the Lakers need to hedge those screens like they sometimes do, double the ball until Pierce's guy recovers, rotate over to guard anybody except Rondo or Cassell, and the leave Rondo/Cassell open to fire up a brick or move the ball to someone who's already matched up. That would be my adjustment. Make Rondo/Cassell beat you. It's like last series where the Lakers made sure that the only wide-open shots being taken were Tony Parker threes in the corner, which he didn't hit. Do the same to Rondo/Cassell. By the way, I love that super slo-mo replay, like the kind that MLB uses. It's like the anti ceiling or moving cam that we've been subjected to. Hey, producers for NBA games, I don't want to feel like I'm in the cheap seats at a game! At least when you're in the cheap seats at a game, there's some atmosphere because you're there live. That ceiling cam is the worst of both worlds. Bad view, no live game atmosphere. Almost as bad as the moving cam that makes me nauseous and want to throw something at the TV to make it switch back to the regular camera angle. Speaking of the playoffs on TV, now that the games aren't on TNT anymore, how will I know who the Closer is? Is it still Kyra Sedgwick? Is Saving Grace with Academy Award winning actress Holly Hunter still on with new episodes? How will we know? Which have we seen more of, TNT promos or that Sprite commercial where the basketball players jump onto the court only the court turns into a swimming pool as that song that goes "I'm falling away . . . with you" plays? Oh well, at least the talking baby who buys stock is back.
(Quick qualification to my ABC crew compliment: How did Van Gundy figure out a way to throw in that Battier should have won 1st-team All Defensive NBA honors over Kobe? When's the last time Battier played in a game, early April? What is it with this guy? Get over it. We know you have a deep infatuation with Battier and that you probably bought a Sharpee so that you could name it Shane and rub its wrinkled head, but please, no more random Shane Battier references.)
4. Finally, most importantly, Kobe needs to go Kobe or Black Mamba or whatever other name you use to describe it when he goes into "I'm the best player you'll ever see, you can't stop me, I'm about to make you cry, I wish MJ was around in his prime right now so I could cross him up worse than AI did" mode (Note: That's Kobe's inner monologue. I just think Kobe's the best player in the game today and the closest thing I've seen to MJ). There were hints of Black Mamba in Game 1. With about 2:30 left in the 3rd quarter, Fish dribbled up the court, walked the ball to the baseline, brought it back to the wing, and before you knew it there were only 9 seconds left on the shot clock. What happened next? Kobe came around to the ball and Fish handed it off to him. Then, Kobe dribbled around the perimeter toward the corner and threw up a 20-foot shot with two guys in his face as he faded toward the baseline. Bucket. Black Mamba. That's what the Lakers need in the last three minutes of games. Nothing happened in the last three minutes of Game 1 because Kobe looked more like KG out there than KG. Kobe was hesitant, didn't really have a good handle on the ball, and was looking to pass.
I have my theory on Kobe's last three minutes. I think he wanted to beat the Celtics without going into Black Mamba mode. Could you imagine if the Lakers stole Game 1 in Boston without Kobe doing anything of note? The one guy Celtics fans are afraid of and the Lakers don't even need him to beat you? Sasha and Vlad hitting big shots would have killed the Celtics' souls. Guys named Sully, Francis, and Seamus would be crying right now in their green shirts and jerseys. That's what Kobe was going for. Because everyone knows that at any moment, Kobe can take over the game, hit that 20-foot dagger in someone's eye and shut everyone up. As my Dad said when Pierce and Kobe were trading buckets in the third quarter, "I hope these guys get into a pissing match." Me too. Kobe doesn't lose one-on-ones. He's too competitive and way too good. I guarantee you that Kobe watches the game film, sees the play where he beat Allen off the dribble with 3:30 left and ran into P.J. Brown only to throw up an airball with no whistle on the contact, and says, "Screw this, no more of this soft mess, we're not losing. I'm not losing." As a Lakers fan, and someone who has watched Kobe over the years, including that stretch of nine-straight 40-point games where he could not miss, I can promise you that there is no way that Kobe has less than 30 points next game. Zero chance. Whatever the line is on Kobe's points for Game 2, take the over. Black Mamba will surface. I promise you.
If you're a Celtics fan, I know you're probably annoyed at this Lakers viewpoint only analysis, that I'm completely ignoring the fact that KG tooled whoever was guarding him, that Pierce's "injury" and "comeback" completely altered the momentum, and all of the other things Boston did to win Game 1. Sorry, but this is still the Lakers' series to lose. Until KG stops making the fadeaway his go-to shot and needing to curse at himself between big free throws and until the Celtics stop relying on jump shots to win, I'm still going to give the edge to the Lakers. The Lakers have Kobe. His play determines the series, so until I see him go Black Mamba and lose, I refuse to back off of that. Game 1 to you Boston, but he's not letting the Lakers lose Game 2 and that's my prediction.
1. Pau needs to not play like a little girl (my apologies to little girls for denigrating you that way but I couldn't think of a better way to put it). Stop pushing off, box someone out, and stop whining after every call, blown or otherwise. Yeah, you blocked that shot, but Ronny slapped KG's arm a half-second later so the ref thought you made the contact. How about not getting beat every play and flailing all over the place? As that psycho little white guy on Real World 20 would say, "MAN UP! YOU'RE 7-FEET TALL!!!" By the way, how bad is this season of the Real World? I watch only one reality show and it's the Real World. It used to be great. Put a bunch of funny young peole who like to drink in a house and start the cameras. Now? Put a bunch of crazy young people who love to fight and drink in a house and film the carnage. Something very bad is going to happen on this show one of these days with the new formula, like a jaw needing to be wired shut. The only saving grace for the Hollywood season was Greg because at least he was ridiculous enough to be funny by accident, calling people "peasants" and girls that he dates "associates." Now that he got the boot it's like watching some celerity rehab show but without the celebrities. And I hate celebrity rehab shows. They need to bring Isaac back. That's the only way to save this season.
2. More Sam Cassell. Lots more. Not only is this guy from 3 solar systems past Planets Van Exel and Popey Jones (or is Popeye Jones from the same swamp as Shrek? I forget. I'll have to research that one), but Cassell can do no wrong in the eyes of Lakers fans. If he makes a shot, 10 more bad ones are coming. If he misses, he doesn't care and keeps chucking like he's got Hakeem under there rebounding for him and it's 1996. I can't tell you how happy I was to watch Cassell drain three straight jumpers early. Do you know why? Because everybody knew that Sam would think he had carte blanche to chuck up a bunch of ill advised shots later on as a result. Every time he shoots the Celtics lose momentum and fail to run any kind of offense. Not that the Celtics run offense anyway, but you get the point. You've played pick up games with guys like Cassell. Everybody has. You know, the guy who banks in a ridiculous 3-pointer early on so he shoots about 6 more in the next 10 possessions like he's Reggie Miller at MSG with Spike Lee sitting courtside. Except that this guy is a lifetime 8.6% shooter from long range but nobody dares to tell him to stop shooting because he's nuts, like Cassell. From now on, we're calling that going Cassell. I hated watching Cassell throw up that one shot that hit the bottom right portion of the backboard, if only because even Doc Rivers would know it was finally time to take him out of the game. If we can get Cassell about 15 minutes per game, then there is no excuse for the Lakers to lose. None.
3. Don't switch on screens unless Lamar and Pau or Lamar and Kobe are the guys involved and Kobe doesn't end up on Garnett. I hate when TNT doesn't have the games because that means no Barkley, Kenny, Ernie show. But, Van Gundy, Jackson, and Breen do a great collective job during the game with insight and analysis. They nailed this point. Pierce loves to have a little guy switch onto him and then shoot right over the guy. The Lakers cannot have Farmar or Fisher switching onto Pierce. They showed one such play in that cool super slo-mo HD replay mode with Fish switching onto Pierce only to get a jumper hit in his face. Pierce will score 80% of the time in that situation. Instead, the Lakers need to hedge those screens like they sometimes do, double the ball until Pierce's guy recovers, rotate over to guard anybody except Rondo or Cassell, and the leave Rondo/Cassell open to fire up a brick or move the ball to someone who's already matched up. That would be my adjustment. Make Rondo/Cassell beat you. It's like last series where the Lakers made sure that the only wide-open shots being taken were Tony Parker threes in the corner, which he didn't hit. Do the same to Rondo/Cassell. By the way, I love that super slo-mo replay, like the kind that MLB uses. It's like the anti ceiling or moving cam that we've been subjected to. Hey, producers for NBA games, I don't want to feel like I'm in the cheap seats at a game! At least when you're in the cheap seats at a game, there's some atmosphere because you're there live. That ceiling cam is the worst of both worlds. Bad view, no live game atmosphere. Almost as bad as the moving cam that makes me nauseous and want to throw something at the TV to make it switch back to the regular camera angle. Speaking of the playoffs on TV, now that the games aren't on TNT anymore, how will I know who the Closer is? Is it still Kyra Sedgwick? Is Saving Grace with Academy Award winning actress Holly Hunter still on with new episodes? How will we know? Which have we seen more of, TNT promos or that Sprite commercial where the basketball players jump onto the court only the court turns into a swimming pool as that song that goes "I'm falling away . . . with you" plays? Oh well, at least the talking baby who buys stock is back.
(Quick qualification to my ABC crew compliment: How did Van Gundy figure out a way to throw in that Battier should have won 1st-team All Defensive NBA honors over Kobe? When's the last time Battier played in a game, early April? What is it with this guy? Get over it. We know you have a deep infatuation with Battier and that you probably bought a Sharpee so that you could name it Shane and rub its wrinkled head, but please, no more random Shane Battier references.)
4. Finally, most importantly, Kobe needs to go Kobe or Black Mamba or whatever other name you use to describe it when he goes into "I'm the best player you'll ever see, you can't stop me, I'm about to make you cry, I wish MJ was around in his prime right now so I could cross him up worse than AI did" mode (Note: That's Kobe's inner monologue. I just think Kobe's the best player in the game today and the closest thing I've seen to MJ). There were hints of Black Mamba in Game 1. With about 2:30 left in the 3rd quarter, Fish dribbled up the court, walked the ball to the baseline, brought it back to the wing, and before you knew it there were only 9 seconds left on the shot clock. What happened next? Kobe came around to the ball and Fish handed it off to him. Then, Kobe dribbled around the perimeter toward the corner and threw up a 20-foot shot with two guys in his face as he faded toward the baseline. Bucket. Black Mamba. That's what the Lakers need in the last three minutes of games. Nothing happened in the last three minutes of Game 1 because Kobe looked more like KG out there than KG. Kobe was hesitant, didn't really have a good handle on the ball, and was looking to pass.
I have my theory on Kobe's last three minutes. I think he wanted to beat the Celtics without going into Black Mamba mode. Could you imagine if the Lakers stole Game 1 in Boston without Kobe doing anything of note? The one guy Celtics fans are afraid of and the Lakers don't even need him to beat you? Sasha and Vlad hitting big shots would have killed the Celtics' souls. Guys named Sully, Francis, and Seamus would be crying right now in their green shirts and jerseys. That's what Kobe was going for. Because everyone knows that at any moment, Kobe can take over the game, hit that 20-foot dagger in someone's eye and shut everyone up. As my Dad said when Pierce and Kobe were trading buckets in the third quarter, "I hope these guys get into a pissing match." Me too. Kobe doesn't lose one-on-ones. He's too competitive and way too good. I guarantee you that Kobe watches the game film, sees the play where he beat Allen off the dribble with 3:30 left and ran into P.J. Brown only to throw up an airball with no whistle on the contact, and says, "Screw this, no more of this soft mess, we're not losing. I'm not losing." As a Lakers fan, and someone who has watched Kobe over the years, including that stretch of nine-straight 40-point games where he could not miss, I can promise you that there is no way that Kobe has less than 30 points next game. Zero chance. Whatever the line is on Kobe's points for Game 2, take the over. Black Mamba will surface. I promise you.
If you're a Celtics fan, I know you're probably annoyed at this Lakers viewpoint only analysis, that I'm completely ignoring the fact that KG tooled whoever was guarding him, that Pierce's "injury" and "comeback" completely altered the momentum, and all of the other things Boston did to win Game 1. Sorry, but this is still the Lakers' series to lose. Until KG stops making the fadeaway his go-to shot and needing to curse at himself between big free throws and until the Celtics stop relying on jump shots to win, I'm still going to give the edge to the Lakers. The Lakers have Kobe. His play determines the series, so until I see him go Black Mamba and lose, I refuse to back off of that. Game 1 to you Boston, but he's not letting the Lakers lose Game 2 and that's my prediction.
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